how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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