A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
