HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
