she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
