***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
