I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
