No awkward lesbian experiences without me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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