ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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