Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
