the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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