Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
