oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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