after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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