Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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