The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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