He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize