apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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