so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she pinky promised me she was 18
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
