Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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