dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
