if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize