when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
