OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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