Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
