I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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