i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
