thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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