I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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