There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
