I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
