I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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