I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
