just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
