She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
