i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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