and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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