I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
