I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
