We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
