Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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