It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
