I wish I only lived at night.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize