she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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