that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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