i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
