Your tits are I can't wait for
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
