Don't you send me to vm
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
