Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize