it was like eating out sand paper
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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