He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Houston, we have a squirter
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
