Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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