My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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