i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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