Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
