I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
