fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
