i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
