Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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