After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
