thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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