Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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