I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
