I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize