is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
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