Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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