I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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