He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize