Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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