just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he puts the penis in happiness.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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