You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
